oh man i made a comment on your poem...but it didn't post for some reasonbasically i saidI think you need a central image or trope stanza. JUST ONE. it'll really pop and it will give your poem alot more direction. right now its a bit too non-sequitor and floaty (if that makes sense.)
also: the stanza should be no more than 3 or 4 lines long.right in the middle. no spaces.the form will be immediately intriguing that way too. maybe?
oh man i made a comment on your poem...but it didn't post for some reason
ReplyDeletebasically i said
I think you need a central image or trope stanza. JUST ONE.
it'll really pop and it will give your poem alot more direction.
right now its a bit too non-sequitor and floaty (if that makes sense.)
also: the stanza should be no more than 3 or 4 lines long.
ReplyDeleteright in the middle. no spaces.
the form will be immediately intriguing that way too.
maybe?